I am having a rather hard day today emotionally. I'm not a sobbing mess or anything, just quite melancholy and wistful. Must be PMS onset, I suppose.
When I was half awake this morning I had a dream-y vision-y thing where I was giving birth, which of course was all quiet and idyllic and going so smoothly and was completely painless, lol. Then later I was in my hospital room looking over at the cot where my newborn baby was lying. He started crying so I got up and went to him, and just before I woke up properly I was picking him up and saying, "Are you hungry buddy?".
I wish I was known for having prophetic dreams, but I definitely don't!
Both yesterday and today I keep wondering if it will ever be my turn, which is stupid because I'm about to start the best shot I've ever had at getting pregnant, so I should tell myself to get the hell over it for the next few weeks at least. But it's not always that simple. Yesterday on a baby forum that I frequent I clicked on a topic where someone was asking for opinions on the photo of the HPT she'd done that morning. I wish I hadn't now. The test was clearly positive and her resulting excitement made me want to scream. Especially since she mentioned she'd been trying for just two months. I'm over being happy for other people right now. I just can't do it...
On a more positive note, I'm now CD 28, so my body behaved by having a decent cycle length this time around. However, after spending the last few days willing AF away, I'm now very anxious for it to arrive, as from simply a logistical POV I really need to start my ICSI cycle ASAP so that I can get over to Brisbane ASAP!
Monday, 14 May 2012
Will I ever see two lines??
Call me naive and stupid, because I certainly am calling myself that, but I took an HPT this morning. I haven't been feeling very good all week; worse than usual insomnia, strange cramping, mild intestinal upsets, and yesterday my body temp was through the roof. I had to go and get milk this morning anyway, so I held off peeing when I got up, and got some FRERs from the shop.
Of course it was a negative. I feel so silly that I could have even entertained the notion that I could be UTD, since we know it's impossible.
The two remaining tests are in the bathroom cupboard, waiting for me to use them in around four or so weeks' time when my cycle ends. I know that fertility clinics generally don't like you to do HPTs and would rather you wait for your BT, but I am a self-confessed POAS addict, and I know that I won't be able to help myself.
Because, for the first time ever, I may actually have a chance of seeing two pink lines.
And if I don't... well, all I can say is that it's a good thing I've got this move to Brisbane to somewhat distract me.
Of course it was a negative. I feel so silly that I could have even entertained the notion that I could be UTD, since we know it's impossible.
The two remaining tests are in the bathroom cupboard, waiting for me to use them in around four or so weeks' time when my cycle ends. I know that fertility clinics generally don't like you to do HPTs and would rather you wait for your BT, but I am a self-confessed POAS addict, and I know that I won't be able to help myself.
Because, for the first time ever, I may actually have a chance of seeing two pink lines.
And if I don't... well, all I can say is that it's a good thing I've got this move to Brisbane to somewhat distract me.
Thursday, 10 May 2012
Impatience
I just checked my menstrual calendar on my phone, and I am still only CD 24. This is going so slowly! Not that I want AF to come anytime soon, as my last couple of cycles have been around 24 - 26 days, and I'd like to have at least 27 days this time. Still jabbing away with the Lucrin.. I don't appear to be getting any side effects, which is good.
Things are getting complicated with regards to us moving to Brisbane. It looks like I will need to be here for at least a week after DH goes over there to wait for my pregnancy test, which is really inconvenient as he needs me to apartment search in Bris during the day while he's at work. But then I don't know how long I will possibly need to stay if I do happen to get a positive result, as they may want to do follow up bloods and a viability scan.. Plus I'm meant to be having a follow-up appointment with my FS if the cycle is unsuccessful, but I probably won't be able to get in until July or something, so I don't know how that's going to work.
On top of that I have to fairly urgently start packing boxes and stuff again, as we only half did the job back in January the first time we thought we were moving.
There is strong evidence to suggest that being relaxed and not stressed can help give a good result in IVF cycles. So it looks like I'm going to have to work my arse off to not stress over the next few weeks!
Things are getting complicated with regards to us moving to Brisbane. It looks like I will need to be here for at least a week after DH goes over there to wait for my pregnancy test, which is really inconvenient as he needs me to apartment search in Bris during the day while he's at work. But then I don't know how long I will possibly need to stay if I do happen to get a positive result, as they may want to do follow up bloods and a viability scan.. Plus I'm meant to be having a follow-up appointment with my FS if the cycle is unsuccessful, but I probably won't be able to get in until July or something, so I don't know how that's going to work.
On top of that I have to fairly urgently start packing boxes and stuff again, as we only half did the job back in January the first time we thought we were moving.
There is strong evidence to suggest that being relaxed and not stressed can help give a good result in IVF cycles. So it looks like I'm going to have to work my arse off to not stress over the next few weeks!
Tuesday, 8 May 2012
Straight into it..
My last post was two weeks before the wedding I think, and it's now three and a half weeks after the fact. It actually feels like at least a couple of months ago! Everything went perfectly, apart from me suffering stupid jitters at the reception which prevented me from eating or drinking. Ludicrous. But we have had so many positive comments, which is very heartening. It was all worth it in the end, and I can't wait to see some more photos; I haven't got my hands on much yet.
Anyway, we got back from our honeymoon at around 12:30am yesterday, and today, due to very fortunate circumstances, I have started my first cycle of ICSI. On Friday when we were still in the UK, I checked on my calendar to see what CD (cycle day) I was up to, and to see when CD 21 would be. My jaw dropped when I realised CD 21, the day I'm to start my drug regime, was the following Tuesday. I emailed the clinic asking if I could start with such short notice, but they didn't reply, so yesterday I called them and asked again, and after reviewing my file told me I could come in for bloods and to collect my first drug, Lucrin. FYI, Lucrin "suppresses the release of Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) and Luteinizing Hormone (LH) from the pituitary gland. This prevents spontaneous ovulation (ie release of the ripe eggs from the ovary) before ovum pick-up (OPU)." Anyway, when I went to my appointment today I was told that I may not be able to start at this time, as my cycles have been shorter and I may have needed to come in a couple of days ago. However my blood results showed the right progesterone levels, so I was given the go-ahead and gave myself my first ever injection this afternoon.
It was totally not scary, I wasn't nervous at all about the needle itself, but a little nervous about whether I was doing it the way the nurse instructed. There was no pain apart from the initial tiny pinprick, but after I'd finished it was intensely itchy and very red and there was even a small welt, which I was warned could happen. It itched for quite a while afterwards, but all cleared up now. I hope all my other drugs are this easy to administer.... I know the pessaries after my embryo transfer will be a challenge, mentally at least. I believe they are inserted rectally. Just... ew.
So there we go. If I'm successful this cycle (i.e. I respond well to the drugs, have a decent number of viable eggs collected, my husband's sperm defrosts okay, some eggs fertilise, I end up with at least one healthy 3-day-old embryo, it implants and sticks, and I don't miscarry), I will be having a late February baby. I know I shouldn't be getting my hopes up, but it's exciting and nice to have something to be positive about; I'm actually doing something now rather than just constant waiting.
Now to sit back and see if Lucrin gives me any of the possible side effects: mood swings, headaches and maybe even hot flushes. Yay!
Anyway, we got back from our honeymoon at around 12:30am yesterday, and today, due to very fortunate circumstances, I have started my first cycle of ICSI. On Friday when we were still in the UK, I checked on my calendar to see what CD (cycle day) I was up to, and to see when CD 21 would be. My jaw dropped when I realised CD 21, the day I'm to start my drug regime, was the following Tuesday. I emailed the clinic asking if I could start with such short notice, but they didn't reply, so yesterday I called them and asked again, and after reviewing my file told me I could come in for bloods and to collect my first drug, Lucrin. FYI, Lucrin "suppresses the release of Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) and Luteinizing Hormone (LH) from the pituitary gland. This prevents spontaneous ovulation (ie release of the ripe eggs from the ovary) before ovum pick-up (OPU)." Anyway, when I went to my appointment today I was told that I may not be able to start at this time, as my cycles have been shorter and I may have needed to come in a couple of days ago. However my blood results showed the right progesterone levels, so I was given the go-ahead and gave myself my first ever injection this afternoon.
It was totally not scary, I wasn't nervous at all about the needle itself, but a little nervous about whether I was doing it the way the nurse instructed. There was no pain apart from the initial tiny pinprick, but after I'd finished it was intensely itchy and very red and there was even a small welt, which I was warned could happen. It itched for quite a while afterwards, but all cleared up now. I hope all my other drugs are this easy to administer.... I know the pessaries after my embryo transfer will be a challenge, mentally at least. I believe they are inserted rectally. Just... ew.
So there we go. If I'm successful this cycle (i.e. I respond well to the drugs, have a decent number of viable eggs collected, my husband's sperm defrosts okay, some eggs fertilise, I end up with at least one healthy 3-day-old embryo, it implants and sticks, and I don't miscarry), I will be having a late February baby. I know I shouldn't be getting my hopes up, but it's exciting and nice to have something to be positive about; I'm actually doing something now rather than just constant waiting.
Now to sit back and see if Lucrin gives me any of the possible side effects: mood swings, headaches and maybe even hot flushes. Yay!
Saturday, 31 March 2012
Crazy times
Okay, so in exactly two weeks from this second, I will be a Mrs, and I will be having my wedding photos done. After the last ten months dragging like a mo-fo, the last couple of weeks have flown by. I can't believe how close it is, and I am a little scared... good-scared, let it be clarified!
I had my last day (ever? perhaps...) of work on Friday, and it's a very strange feeling, like nothing has changed actually. I think for the next few weeks prior to the wedding and until i get back from the honeymoon, I'm just going to feel like I'm on annual leave, rather than unemployed! But when my almost-husband goes back to work after our UK jaunt, that is when it will probably hit me. And I honestly don't know how I'll be. A small part of me can imagine that I'll start looking for casual/part-time work, as it just feels like the "right" thing to do, but I think I really need this time to do what I actually want to do. It will be a sort of self-exploration; finding out what I like and what I'm good at, what relaxes me and what I can offer in some way other than as an employee. My fertility specialist also said this week that she thinks my plan of doing nothing for a while is an excellent idea. I know that a lot of people prefer working during IVF treatment as it distracts them during the process, but work just makes me stressed and unhappy, and I would rather find some relaxing distractions to keep me from overthinking the treatment.
There is one obvious change in my attitude from quitting work yesterday.. usually I will bitch about all the cleaning and housework I have to do on the weekend, and will often delay it and procrastinate. But today I found myself voluntarily cleaning up the kitchen, and actually feeling quite cheerful about it! So that's one nice thing that I've noticed.
Tomorrow I have my Kitchen Tea, organised for me by my fabulous bridesmaids. I know nothing about it except for the time and location, and I know that most of the female guests from the wedding guest list are invited, but I have no idea who is actually going to be there. I'm very excited! I have to remember to take my camera because I always forget for anything interesting that I do.
On top of everything that's going on, we are also putting our house on the market, and the first home open will be the day after the wedding. We will literally have to come back from the hotel that morning, drop off and put away all the wedding stuff, grab our cases for the honeymoon, give the house a quick once-over to make sure it looks good, then taxi back to the city. Then there will be a couple more weekends that home opens can be held while there is no one here, which will be convenient not having to constantly clean.
Also, my fiance is looking for a new job (what else is new), so he is very pre-occupied with that. He has another interview is Brisbane this week, so hopefully he will stay safe and there won't be any air strikes or anything!
As for fertility stuff, I had my last appointment this week with my FS before we start cycling after the honeymoon. She has decided to change the type of cycle I do from Antagonstic to Down Regulated, which means I actually start one of the drugs before my period at the start of the cycle, so the cycle is essentially longer. But she said that this regime statistically will increase my chances of getting pregnant (very slightly, but she said that she wants to give me the best shot possible). She also said that because my fiance's five straws of frozen semen are "like precious gold", she will cancel the cycle if my first scan shows a poor response, i.e. only two or three developing follicles, as it is not worth "wasting" a whole straw on very few eggs. It makes sense, and I am very pleased that she is acting in our best interests, but I really hope that I respond well first time. I will be so disappointed if our first (or second, or any!) cycle gets cancelled, as I potentially may have to wait another two months before trying again...
But for now, I mustn't dwell on unpleasant possibilities. I'm free from the shackles of the daily grind, I'm marrying my best friend in two weeks, I'm going on a great tour of the UK, and getting to visit the Harry Potter Studios which I think will be an amazing experience for a HP geek like me. I just hope that everyone involved with the wedding stays safe and healthy for the next two weeks (and beyond, of course). I don't care about little things going wrong that I can laugh about later, I just want everyone to be there and enjoy themselves!
I had my last day (ever? perhaps...) of work on Friday, and it's a very strange feeling, like nothing has changed actually. I think for the next few weeks prior to the wedding and until i get back from the honeymoon, I'm just going to feel like I'm on annual leave, rather than unemployed! But when my almost-husband goes back to work after our UK jaunt, that is when it will probably hit me. And I honestly don't know how I'll be. A small part of me can imagine that I'll start looking for casual/part-time work, as it just feels like the "right" thing to do, but I think I really need this time to do what I actually want to do. It will be a sort of self-exploration; finding out what I like and what I'm good at, what relaxes me and what I can offer in some way other than as an employee. My fertility specialist also said this week that she thinks my plan of doing nothing for a while is an excellent idea. I know that a lot of people prefer working during IVF treatment as it distracts them during the process, but work just makes me stressed and unhappy, and I would rather find some relaxing distractions to keep me from overthinking the treatment.
There is one obvious change in my attitude from quitting work yesterday.. usually I will bitch about all the cleaning and housework I have to do on the weekend, and will often delay it and procrastinate. But today I found myself voluntarily cleaning up the kitchen, and actually feeling quite cheerful about it! So that's one nice thing that I've noticed.
Tomorrow I have my Kitchen Tea, organised for me by my fabulous bridesmaids. I know nothing about it except for the time and location, and I know that most of the female guests from the wedding guest list are invited, but I have no idea who is actually going to be there. I'm very excited! I have to remember to take my camera because I always forget for anything interesting that I do.
On top of everything that's going on, we are also putting our house on the market, and the first home open will be the day after the wedding. We will literally have to come back from the hotel that morning, drop off and put away all the wedding stuff, grab our cases for the honeymoon, give the house a quick once-over to make sure it looks good, then taxi back to the city. Then there will be a couple more weekends that home opens can be held while there is no one here, which will be convenient not having to constantly clean.
Also, my fiance is looking for a new job (what else is new), so he is very pre-occupied with that. He has another interview is Brisbane this week, so hopefully he will stay safe and there won't be any air strikes or anything!
As for fertility stuff, I had my last appointment this week with my FS before we start cycling after the honeymoon. She has decided to change the type of cycle I do from Antagonstic to Down Regulated, which means I actually start one of the drugs before my period at the start of the cycle, so the cycle is essentially longer. But she said that this regime statistically will increase my chances of getting pregnant (very slightly, but she said that she wants to give me the best shot possible). She also said that because my fiance's five straws of frozen semen are "like precious gold", she will cancel the cycle if my first scan shows a poor response, i.e. only two or three developing follicles, as it is not worth "wasting" a whole straw on very few eggs. It makes sense, and I am very pleased that she is acting in our best interests, but I really hope that I respond well first time. I will be so disappointed if our first (or second, or any!) cycle gets cancelled, as I potentially may have to wait another two months before trying again...
But for now, I mustn't dwell on unpleasant possibilities. I'm free from the shackles of the daily grind, I'm marrying my best friend in two weeks, I'm going on a great tour of the UK, and getting to visit the Harry Potter Studios which I think will be an amazing experience for a HP geek like me. I just hope that everyone involved with the wedding stays safe and healthy for the next two weeks (and beyond, of course). I don't care about little things going wrong that I can laugh about later, I just want everyone to be there and enjoy themselves!
Tuesday, 21 February 2012
Accumulated pics
Man, I can't believe I haven't posted since December! TBH I all but forgot about my poor neglected wedding blog. But now that I have less than two months until the big day, I see no reason why I should give up. So I've decided that instead of blathering on too much I'm going to post three wedding-related pics from my phone of some random bits and pieces from the last couple of months...
The above are my Ravenclaw garters (one to wear and throw, the other a keepsake) that I had custom made from an online store. They weren't cheap, but they will serve as one of those geeky little personalised touches we wanted to incorporate, and also as my "something blue". Ravenclaw is my favourite House in Harry Potter, and according to a quiz designed by JK Rowling herself, where I would hypothetically be sorted.
Cake bags that I ordered from eBay. Cute and simple.
Table name cards! I'm concerned that some of them will dwarf some of the centrepiece candleholders, so I'm going to try and devise a way to actually make them a part of the centrepieces through careful arranging. Don't know how well it'll work!
The placecards that tie onto the bonbonniere have also been made (apart from a couple of last-minute RSVPs that I may receive) in the same style as the table names. One of those things that I thought would be a huge daunting task, but only took one afternoon.
Things are starting to happen now... we're going to see about the guys' suits on Thursday night (they were closed when we went on Sat arvo!), Rydges want to see us in early March for our first meeting since we booked the place, then we have bridesmaids alterations, my alterations, my hair trial... And most importantly, I finish work in five and a half weeks!!
As for IVF stuff, we had our info and counselling sessions last week, I received my treatment plan and we signed all our consent forms for our first cycle. Right now I'm in my last week of another tracking cycle (my pregnancy test will be this Monday), then I have a follow-up to discuss anything new at the end of March... After that, it's just a matter of calling them up when I get back from honeymoon and telling them I'm ready to start. If my cycles stay as regular as they have been, I should start jabbing myself with needles from around the 17th May.... joy!
I'll try and post more in the lead-up to the wedding.. even if no one reads this, it'll be nice for me to look back on in the future. :)
The above are my Ravenclaw garters (one to wear and throw, the other a keepsake) that I had custom made from an online store. They weren't cheap, but they will serve as one of those geeky little personalised touches we wanted to incorporate, and also as my "something blue". Ravenclaw is my favourite House in Harry Potter, and according to a quiz designed by JK Rowling herself, where I would hypothetically be sorted.
Cake bags that I ordered from eBay. Cute and simple.
Table name cards! I'm concerned that some of them will dwarf some of the centrepiece candleholders, so I'm going to try and devise a way to actually make them a part of the centrepieces through careful arranging. Don't know how well it'll work!
The placecards that tie onto the bonbonniere have also been made (apart from a couple of last-minute RSVPs that I may receive) in the same style as the table names. One of those things that I thought would be a huge daunting task, but only took one afternoon.
Things are starting to happen now... we're going to see about the guys' suits on Thursday night (they were closed when we went on Sat arvo!), Rydges want to see us in early March for our first meeting since we booked the place, then we have bridesmaids alterations, my alterations, my hair trial... And most importantly, I finish work in five and a half weeks!!
As for IVF stuff, we had our info and counselling sessions last week, I received my treatment plan and we signed all our consent forms for our first cycle. Right now I'm in my last week of another tracking cycle (my pregnancy test will be this Monday), then I have a follow-up to discuss anything new at the end of March... After that, it's just a matter of calling them up when I get back from honeymoon and telling them I'm ready to start. If my cycles stay as regular as they have been, I should start jabbing myself with needles from around the 17th May.... joy!
I'll try and post more in the lead-up to the wedding.. even if no one reads this, it'll be nice for me to look back on in the future. :)
Friday, 30 December 2011
ARGH!
I couldn't let the year finish up without a single post for December! So I'm just managing to scrape in on the very last day of the year...
Everything has been very quiet with regards to both wedding and fertility matters, but this week I've finally got my arse into gear and shopped for invitation supplies, as well as done some online research into shoes for my junior bridesmaids, whom I hope to take shopping next week while I'm still on leave from work.
Anyway, my main reason for posting today is to upload a pic of an invitation mock-up that I've just done. I don't have a guillotine or anything so this has just been done with scissors, but you get the idea.
Everything has been very quiet with regards to both wedding and fertility matters, but this week I've finally got my arse into gear and shopped for invitation supplies, as well as done some online research into shoes for my junior bridesmaids, whom I hope to take shopping next week while I'm still on leave from work.
Anyway, my main reason for posting today is to upload a pic of an invitation mock-up that I've just done. I don't have a guillotine or anything so this has just been done with scissors, but you get the idea.
Sorry for the extreme censoring, but you can't be too careful. Wouldn't want some randoms from the internet crashing my wedding!
Aside from this development, nothing new to report, except that the bridesmaids dresses (the new and improved second lot) have recently arrived and are actually the correct colour.. fancy that. Plus I have bought jewellery for the bridal party -- it's pretty cheap-o stuff, so I really hope that the necklaces don't leave a green line around everyone's neck, or cause any allergic reactions, or we're screwed. Mum bought me my jewellery this week; it's a combined wedding and birthday present. Swarovski Crystal and white gold plated teardrop earrings with a matching pendant on a chain (which I had to order, but I've got the earrings at least). I'm not sure if I'll end up wearing the necklace, I will be trying it with and without on the day and seeing what looks better. So hard to tell when you don't have your dress and veil on!
(I tried to post pics of all the jewellery, but it was taking way too long, so maybe another time if I remember.)
At exactly three and a half months to go today, everything is starting to seem so real now. I printed up all the invitations this afternoon, and once me and my BM have made them next week, I can send them out and it's all systems go. Woo! Looking forward to (in around eight hours) being able to say, "I'm getting married this year!" Not to mention hopefully getting pregnant, but I won't get too far ahead of myself. ;)
See you in 2012.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)