I am having a rather hard day today emotionally. I'm not a sobbing mess or anything, just quite melancholy and wistful. Must be PMS onset, I suppose.
When I was half awake this morning I had a dream-y vision-y thing where I was giving birth, which of course was all quiet and idyllic and going so smoothly and was completely painless, lol. Then later I was in my hospital room looking over at the cot where my newborn baby was lying. He started crying so I got up and went to him, and just before I woke up properly I was picking him up and saying, "Are you hungry buddy?".
I wish I was known for having prophetic dreams, but I definitely don't!
Both yesterday and today I keep wondering if it will ever be my turn, which is stupid because I'm about to start the best shot I've ever had at getting pregnant, so I should tell myself to get the hell over it for the next few weeks at least. But it's not always that simple. Yesterday on a baby forum that I frequent I clicked on a topic where someone was asking for opinions on the photo of the HPT she'd done that morning. I wish I hadn't now. The test was clearly positive and her resulting excitement made me want to scream. Especially since she mentioned she'd been trying for just two months. I'm over being happy for other people right now. I just can't do it...
On a more positive note, I'm now CD 28, so my body behaved by having a decent cycle length this time around. However, after spending the last few days willing AF away, I'm now very anxious for it to arrive, as from simply a logistical POV I really need to start my ICSI cycle ASAP so that I can get over to Brisbane ASAP!
Obviously I don't really know exactly what you're going through (other than what I read here), but it may help if you find a hobby or something for the next few weeks (and the following 9 months) to take your mind off things. And stop reading forums! Like I said, I don't know, but I imagine the more relaxed you are and less you're thinking about it, the more likely it is to happen.
ReplyDeleteMy hobby for the time being will be the big move! Lol. Forums are okay as long as I mostly stick to the IVF threads. Sometimes my curiosity causes me to stray into the areas full of people who have no problem getting pregnant, and if I happen to be in the wrong place emotionally it can be a little crushing. xx
DeleteHi Helen, I have just followed a link to your post from bub hub. Sorry not being a stalker or anything. This post reminds me of where I am at today. Except I had the ugly cry going on too :( Anyways, just wanted to say I know EXACTLY how you feel, especially about the "turn" and the nor being happy for other people just now. I have a friend who has just had number 8, I mean really...(no swearing Sel, this is not your blog!! LOL).
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the marriage and good luck on the rollercoaster!
We have MFI although I think we have the "severe" label too. Actually I keep joking with my FS that we collect all the "bad" categories!
Here's to AFs coming soon :)
SelM22
Thanks, it's nice to know when someone is feeling the same as you. And you can swear, I have no issues with that. ;)
DeleteNumber 8, seriously?? I don't know, to me that is just excessive. I used to want 4 (highly doubt that would ever happen now, even if I still wanted it to), and I thought that was maybe too many!
Yeah, for us MFI is a nice way of saying "if these five straws of semen your DH froze six years ago don't work, you will never carry his biological children". *sigh*
Okay, I'll end the pity party now, as I am in a better mood today. ;) See you on BH!