Okay, so in exactly two weeks from this second, I will be a Mrs, and I will be having my wedding photos done. After the last ten months dragging like a mo-fo, the last couple of weeks have flown by. I can't believe how close it is, and I am a little scared... good-scared, let it be clarified!
I had my last day (ever? perhaps...) of work on Friday, and it's a very strange feeling, like nothing has changed actually. I think for the next few weeks prior to the wedding and until i get back from the honeymoon, I'm just going to feel like I'm on annual leave, rather than unemployed! But when my almost-husband goes back to work after our UK jaunt, that is when it will probably hit me. And I honestly don't know how I'll be. A small part of me can imagine that I'll start looking for casual/part-time work, as it just feels like the "right" thing to do, but I think I really need this time to do what I actually want to do. It will be a sort of self-exploration; finding out what I like and what I'm good at, what relaxes me and what I can offer in some way other than as an employee. My fertility specialist also said this week that she thinks my plan of doing nothing for a while is an excellent idea. I know that a lot of people prefer working during IVF treatment as it distracts them during the process, but work just makes me stressed and unhappy, and I would rather find some relaxing distractions to keep me from overthinking the treatment.
There is one obvious change in my attitude from quitting work yesterday.. usually I will bitch about all the cleaning and housework I have to do on the weekend, and will often delay it and procrastinate. But today I found myself voluntarily cleaning up the kitchen, and actually feeling quite cheerful about it! So that's one nice thing that I've noticed.
Tomorrow I have my Kitchen Tea, organised for me by my fabulous bridesmaids. I know nothing about it except for the time and location, and I know that most of the female guests from the wedding guest list are invited, but I have no idea who is actually going to be there. I'm very excited! I have to remember to take my camera because I always forget for anything interesting that I do.
On top of everything that's going on, we are also putting our house on the market, and the first home open will be the day after the wedding. We will literally have to come back from the hotel that morning, drop off and put away all the wedding stuff, grab our cases for the honeymoon, give the house a quick once-over to make sure it looks good, then taxi back to the city. Then there will be a couple more weekends that home opens can be held while there is no one here, which will be convenient not having to constantly clean.
Also, my fiance is looking for a new job (what else is new), so he is very pre-occupied with that. He has another interview is Brisbane this week, so hopefully he will stay safe and there won't be any air strikes or anything!
As for fertility stuff, I had my last appointment this week with my FS before we start cycling after the honeymoon. She has decided to change the type of cycle I do from Antagonstic to Down Regulated, which means I actually start one of the drugs before my period at the start of the cycle, so the cycle is essentially longer. But she said that this regime statistically will increase my chances of getting pregnant (very slightly, but she said that she wants to give me the best shot possible). She also said that because my fiance's five straws of frozen semen are "like precious gold", she will cancel the cycle if my first scan shows a poor response, i.e. only two or three developing follicles, as it is not worth "wasting" a whole straw on very few eggs. It makes sense, and I am very pleased that she is acting in our best interests, but I really hope that I respond well first time. I will be so disappointed if our first (or second, or any!) cycle gets cancelled, as I potentially may have to wait another two months before trying again...
But for now, I mustn't dwell on unpleasant possibilities. I'm free from the shackles of the daily grind, I'm marrying my best friend in two weeks, I'm going on a great tour of the UK, and getting to visit the Harry Potter Studios which I think will be an amazing experience for a HP geek like me. I just hope that everyone involved with the wedding stays safe and healthy for the next two weeks (and beyond, of course). I don't care about little things going wrong that I can laugh about later, I just want everyone to be there and enjoy themselves!
