Horatio

UPDATE: Amazingly, our one little wriggler fertilised the egg overnight, so I now have another zygote inside me. It's name is Horatio.

Just like when this happened last time, I have zero expectations of it developing even past today (not like I will ever know, of course), but as everyone always says "it only takes one". Let's hope Horatio can beat the odds.

Lame!

Just going to copy and paste what I've posted on a couple of forums just now. Don't feel like typing it all up again with more detail, cause everything sucks and I'd rather just move on. 

Anyway:

Shitty, shitty update from me, I'm afraid. 10 eggs, 6 mature.... then just before I was discharged, the lab called to say that they'd thawed all four straws of remaining sperm, and found nothing suitable for ICSI (zero motility). They said they would call back with an update later.  On the way home I heard from them again. They'd found one wriggler. One. So they have ICSI'd one of my six mature eggs, and if it fertilises, I will have another pointless, stupid zygote transfer tomorrow. My other five eggs will be vitrified, and I will probably store them in Perth for our return in 2 years. Next step is changing to a Brisbane clinic and trying surgical extraction for Alan. The only good thing about today is that Alan managed to get my flight changed, so I am going home tomorrow. I am so excited for hugs with him and snuggles with my kitties.

Massive sook

It's 12:20am as I start writing this. I went to bed more than two hours ago and haven't been able to get anywhere close to sleep, which is why my frustration has reached breaking point. I'm currently in Perth for my second ICSI cycle. I've been here for a week and a half now, and I started jabbing Lucrin a week ago. I'm waiting for my smegging period to start before I start doing my Gonal-F jabs. More frustration. I need sleep, because I'm meant to be looking after myself to give myself the best possible chance of this working. So I am annoyed to say the least. And I've had occasional faint cramping the last couple of days, and keep going to the loo to check for spotting.. nothing. So after lying here for two hours, sleepless and after another tiny bout of cramping, I check yet again, and get the same result. 

Something snaps inside me, and suddenly I'm outright sobbing into my pillow; ugly, snotty crying, as thoughts wash over me. The frustration at the fact that stupid Lucrin delays your period right when you want it to come. The fact that every moment it stays away is another moment I have to be apart from my husband and my kitties and my home. That my stupid mind refuses to let me sleep, even though I need sleep to be as healthy as possible. How unfair it is that I should have to feel like this at all, and that Alan should also have to suffer. And then I think of the cuddle I had today with my beautiful, precious little cousin who was born on Monday, and I can't help but wonder if I will ever have my own to hold and love, nurture and raise. 

This whole thing f*cking sucks. It had better have a pay-off in the end, because I don't know how much I can take of this crap.

And now in addition to my stinging eyes and blocked nose from crying, I'm hungry. Great, that's all really going to help me sleep.

Hopefully next time I post it won't be this whingey. Thanks for reading this far if you have.