Just a short update today to keep my (imaginary?) readers in the loop. I've been taking the DHEA and TestoGel for one month now, and haven't noticed any side effects, good or bad. I was reading a forum thread recently where several women were enthusing over how fantastic they felt taking DHEA, but I certainly haven't noticed any changes. I hope there's a different story going on in my ovaries.
AF arrived yesterday, almost a week late after I ovulated a week late (meaning my endo biopsy had to be pushed back three days... good thing I had a hunch and took that OPK!). I also only had a 12 day luteal phase again, just like in my last IVF cycle, which isn't very good, so I hope this isn't going to be a permanent thing from now on. Anyway, two days ago, FS finally called with my biopsy results, and I was extremely happy to hear that my NK cells are normal, so at least it seems like my uterus is capable of accepting an embryo, even if my eggs are incapable of making one. Very relieved to know that I won't need to go on Prednisone just to be able to fall pregnant! It was nice to be able to tear up the 'script that FS gave me at my biopsy appointment.
So I've now started my FET cycle, which means I have to take Progynova tablets every day, increasing the dose every four days, and then add in Crinone and/or progesterone pessaries after my (hypothetical) transfer on approximately Day 18 of my cycle. My scan to check how far from ovulation I am is on Day 12, which is 2nd April, then my transfer will be scheduled based on the size of my leading follicle. Fingers crossed that I have one!
My biggest concern, as I've said before, is wondering whether I will have a transfer at all. I hope I do... I'd really love to have a valid reason to POAS on our 1st wedding anniversary, even if it ends up being a BFN, because at least then I can have a glass of fancy sparkling when we go out for dinner that night. ;)
Friday 22 March 2013
Monday 4 March 2013
New plans and moving on...
I'm feeling a bit more human today, so I thought I'd "celebrate" by updating my depressing blog.
So, at my 4th cycle follow-up appt, FS confirmed that it does indeed look like my eggs are crap. Wonderful, just what we needed; yet another thing to get in the way of us having a child. I went into the appointment armed with a little list of questions/demands, and he very kindly went through them all with me, and actually scribbled out responses to them.
Number one was that I wanted to take three months off stimming, and in the meantime, try an FET cycle with my single little frostie, Sheldrick. There are several reasons for this, but mainly because I don't want to do NOTHING baby-making-related for three months, and also because I don't see the point in doing yet another stim if there's even the slightest possibility that Sheldrick could turn into our baby. And it really is a slight possibility. The embryo is dodgy-as-fuck, and honestly I'm expecting a call the day they thaw it to say, nup, sorry, not viable to transfer. Or even turning up for my transfer only to get the news that it hasn't done anything. But I HAVE to know, either way, and that isn't going to happen if it stays in the freezer.
I also asked if it was worth being tested for NK cells, so I am having an endometrial biopsy this Friday to make sure that's not a potential issue. Not all specialists believe in the role NK cells play in infertility/failed pregnancies, but obviously my FS is open to it if he performs the biopsies. Or he just does it for the extra cash, lol.
Looking ahead, if Sheldrick lets me down (thoroughly expected), I'll start a new stim in two and a half cycles' time. I told FS that this is it, no holds barred this time, I want to throw everything we can at it. And if there is no improvement, then that will be the end of my eggs and we will move on to the even rougher road of trying to enlist an egg donor. I asked him if there was anything I could do at all to improve egg quality, and his response, "Yeah, find a donor." *sigh* Anyway, he has already ordered me to start taking both DHEA and topical testosterone gel, to apparently "prep my ovaries" over the next couple of months. Then, our next cycle will involve Saizen (a growth hormone which has been known to improve egg quality), a whopping 600 unit dose of Gonal-F every day (I've never had more than 200!), and I think he said we'd also use Synarel at the time of trigger to assist with final egg maturation. He's also going to give me LOTS of progesterone support, as I shouldn't have started bleeding as early as I did last cycle. I'm approved for a double transfer again, but yet again it will depend on what kind of embryos we have (and how many) as to whether I choose single or double.
Part of me hopes that this next stim will be our last (at least for a couple of years), ideally because it'll be successful, but also because it's another bust and we have to turn to donor. A donor journey will be difficult, not least because it can take so very long to happen, but to know that I never have to go through another stim cycle would be a big relief in some ways. If there's notable improvement next cycle but no pregnancy, it is going to take a lot of motivation to try again I think. Of course I will do it, I'm not giving up until we have the family we want. But it is getting very hard emotionally and physically.
I have started seeing a fertility acupuncturist, as well as a psychologist. The psychologist is mostly for my hypochondria that's been really bad since December, but of course we will also be dealing with IVF-related stress, anxiety and anger too. I don't know how effective acupuncture will be, but I've reached the point where I'm willing to try bloody anything!
Anyway, for the time being, I've got the endo biopsy in three days, then about a week later when I get AF, I'll start taking Progynova pills in preparation for what will hopefully be a frozen embryo transfer... *please please please thaw and grow, Sheldrick!* Nice to finally be doing an FET, even if my hopes for it are completely through the floor. It's just good to be starting a cycle that does not involve jabbing or egg collection. :)
So, at my 4th cycle follow-up appt, FS confirmed that it does indeed look like my eggs are crap. Wonderful, just what we needed; yet another thing to get in the way of us having a child. I went into the appointment armed with a little list of questions/demands, and he very kindly went through them all with me, and actually scribbled out responses to them.
Number one was that I wanted to take three months off stimming, and in the meantime, try an FET cycle with my single little frostie, Sheldrick. There are several reasons for this, but mainly because I don't want to do NOTHING baby-making-related for three months, and also because I don't see the point in doing yet another stim if there's even the slightest possibility that Sheldrick could turn into our baby. And it really is a slight possibility. The embryo is dodgy-as-fuck, and honestly I'm expecting a call the day they thaw it to say, nup, sorry, not viable to transfer. Or even turning up for my transfer only to get the news that it hasn't done anything. But I HAVE to know, either way, and that isn't going to happen if it stays in the freezer.
I also asked if it was worth being tested for NK cells, so I am having an endometrial biopsy this Friday to make sure that's not a potential issue. Not all specialists believe in the role NK cells play in infertility/failed pregnancies, but obviously my FS is open to it if he performs the biopsies. Or he just does it for the extra cash, lol.
Looking ahead, if Sheldrick lets me down (thoroughly expected), I'll start a new stim in two and a half cycles' time. I told FS that this is it, no holds barred this time, I want to throw everything we can at it. And if there is no improvement, then that will be the end of my eggs and we will move on to the even rougher road of trying to enlist an egg donor. I asked him if there was anything I could do at all to improve egg quality, and his response, "Yeah, find a donor." *sigh* Anyway, he has already ordered me to start taking both DHEA and topical testosterone gel, to apparently "prep my ovaries" over the next couple of months. Then, our next cycle will involve Saizen (a growth hormone which has been known to improve egg quality), a whopping 600 unit dose of Gonal-F every day (I've never had more than 200!), and I think he said we'd also use Synarel at the time of trigger to assist with final egg maturation. He's also going to give me LOTS of progesterone support, as I shouldn't have started bleeding as early as I did last cycle. I'm approved for a double transfer again, but yet again it will depend on what kind of embryos we have (and how many) as to whether I choose single or double.
Part of me hopes that this next stim will be our last (at least for a couple of years), ideally because it'll be successful, but also because it's another bust and we have to turn to donor. A donor journey will be difficult, not least because it can take so very long to happen, but to know that I never have to go through another stim cycle would be a big relief in some ways. If there's notable improvement next cycle but no pregnancy, it is going to take a lot of motivation to try again I think. Of course I will do it, I'm not giving up until we have the family we want. But it is getting very hard emotionally and physically.
I have started seeing a fertility acupuncturist, as well as a psychologist. The psychologist is mostly for my hypochondria that's been really bad since December, but of course we will also be dealing with IVF-related stress, anxiety and anger too. I don't know how effective acupuncture will be, but I've reached the point where I'm willing to try bloody anything!
Anyway, for the time being, I've got the endo biopsy in three days, then about a week later when I get AF, I'll start taking Progynova pills in preparation for what will hopefully be a frozen embryo transfer... *please please please thaw and grow, Sheldrick!* Nice to finally be doing an FET, even if my hopes for it are completely through the floor. It's just good to be starting a cycle that does not involve jabbing or egg collection. :)
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