My symptoms that had me worried for weeks only improved somewhat after my colonoscopy, so this week my GP managed to squeeze me in at a gastroenterologist for an appointment prior to starting my IVF cycle. He was wonderful, and really put my worries at ease. He has instructed me to have tests for coeliacs, thyroid issues and intestinal inflammation, but if all of these come back clear, he is happy to chalk it up to IBS, and told me I can get back to concentrating on making babies.
CD 1 was yesterday. My period was trying so hard to start the day before that, but it wasn't quite convincing enough, so I waited until yesterday to start counting. Tomorrow (CD 3) is Monday, so I will be calling the clinic to report in, and then jabbing my single Elonva injection. Orgalutran will commence next Saturday on CD 8, then I'd say my first scan will be Tues 29th Jan, as Monday is the Australia Day public holiday. Then I will most likely be "topping up" with Gonal-F jabs for at least a couple of days, and I anticipate EPU will be either 1st or 4th Feb.
I know that I said I wouldn't let myself think ahead this time, or dwell on all the wonderful possibilities this cycle may or may not promise. However, I really wanted to check the timing of two upcoming events if I was to fall pregnant this time... firstly, Valentine's Day will be around the time I could expect to get a positive pregnancy test. What a wonderful thing it would be if I could present my husband with two little pink lines that morning. Also, if we were to end up with a viable pregnancy, the all-important 12 week mark would end up pretty much coinciding with our first wedding anniversary.
BUT...
This of course all means NOTHING. And I am all too aware of that. Usually I would have already looked up my hypothetical due date, but I'm not going to fall for any of that nonsense this time. Going through the motions, that's me. I went to the pathology on Friday for my coeliac and thyroid bloods, and I was chatting to the phlebotomist about how we're starting IVF #4 this week. I was telling her about my new "IVF? Meh.." attitude, and she said she completely understood. Still, as I was leaving I told her I'd be back in four weeks or so for yet another pregnancy test... hopefully with a smile on my face this time. I don't truly believe that though, I am expecting to have yet another frustrating, "Yes, I'm having a bHCG test, but it's going to be negative AGAIN" exchange with her that morning! *sigh*
We chose a different donor this week as per our plans, so maybe that might make things more promising. We ended up choosing my number one selection from last time, who Alan "demoted" to number two when he had the final say. When we found out about only two eggs fertilising, Alan said to me through my tears, "Maybe we should have gone with the other guy." So this time, although we had three donors in contention, he made the final decision to try this one out, so then at least we'll know and not be left wondering yet again whether we should have selected him, if you know what I mean.
On another topic, my consent forms we signed last week reminded me that we are down for a double embryo transfer this time. I'd actually forgotten over the past couple of months, and I STILL don't know how I feel about it. There are so many sides to the argument. It increases your chances of falling pregnant slightly, but also increases your chances of having twins by 50% if you do get pregnant. Having twins in itself increases your chances of miscarriage, pregnancy complications, pre-eclampsia, something being physically wrong with one or both of the babies, etc. etc. However, last cycle we only had two embryos make it, and even though the one we didn't transfer wasn't expected to survive, it did and was frozen the next day. So I can't help but wonder what would have happened if we'd transferred both... obviously we know Ichabod wouldn't have made it, but what about Sheldrick (our frostie)? Glenn said that he doesn't have high hopes for using it in an FET cycle, but if we'd put it straight back in fresh, I wonder if maybe it could have possibly been a baby?
So at this point in time I'm thinking about waiting and seeing what our embryos are like on Day 5, assuming we have any of course. I'm hoping that the lab and/or Glenn will then allow me to decide how many to transfer based on what they look like. If we have one that's textbook perfect, I'd be more inclined to ask for a single transfer. However if they are low-grade or still only morulae like Ichabod was last time, then we can throw two back in and see what happens. I need to speak to someone at the clinic to ask if this could be an option.
There is naturally a small part of me, namely the stupid, naïve little girl, who really wants twins because of the whole "squee" factor, and the possibility that if we ended up with two healthy bubs we might never have to do IVF again, so long as we decide we are content with two children (which incidentally currently feels like a pipe-dream!). This persistent voice in my head is telling me that maybe we should try a double transfer just this once, and if we do end up with twins then that is what the universe intended for us, along with any tragic or negative experiences associated with a twin pregnancy.
It's a really hard decision, especially when you know it's more than likely that one or neither of the embryos could implant anyway...
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