12 DPO today, and my FRER test this morning was very much negative. I know that I never expected this cycle to work, after what happened two weeks ago, but I guess some part of me must have thought that maybe a miracle could happen, because I am feeling very sad today. My final blood test is in two days, but FRERs should be at least 80% accurate by now, so I know it's all over. Alan is remaining in denial until I get my test results or my period, whichever comes first. He is so very aware that this could have possibly been his last attempt at a biological child of his own, so he wants to hang onto hope as long as possible. :(
All I want to do is start organising the transfer to my chosen clinic in Brisbane, but I can't do that til my final results are recorded at my Perth clinic. I really want to cycle again before the end of the year, but I don't know how possible that's going to be. I guess I'll have to wait and see. Just like every bloody thing in this horrible, painful process.
I so badly want to cry right now but it's only going to make me feel worse, so I will do my best to hold off. I was going to finish this post by saying "sorry for whinging", but I'm not bloody sorry at all. This whole thing is so indescribably f*cked up and unfair, I think I have every right to bitch and moan about it on my own blog. I mean, that's one of the main reasons I started it. Hopefully in many years I can show this to my future children so they can see the pain and heartbreak we went through to have them, and maybe they will appreciate us and/or themselves on a deeper level...
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